Take Thee to a Bunery

by Bernard Levy


    Now, donít get me wrong.I like a healthy regiment as much as the next Joe.You know, organic foods, a solid game of full-court basketball two times a week, limited carb intake, protein and salads in excess and one jelly-filled donut every other day.

    Iím sure there is much value in the South Beach and other diets.You know the old saying:ďA waist is a terrible thing to mind.ĒBut, come on now.This healthy diet stuff has gotten out of hand.

    Commercial high-carb factories are going out of business.Interstate Bakeries Corporation, once number two in the baking game, filed for bankruptcy in 2004.Krispy Kreme, the benchmark of donut excellence, is losing sales and stock market value.

    Those doughy breads favored by the masses and stacked high in supermarkets are no longer universally coveted for the heavily-slathered peanut butter and jelly or bologna and cheese sandwiches.

    Health conscious parents and grandparents are opting for the specialty breads baked with whole grains, flax seed and other nutritious stuff.

    Where is all this emphasis leading?Economic ruin and loss of more jobs in our economy?Less overweight citizens and a healthier populace? ≠

    This path could even penetrate the health industryóinsurance companies, HMOs, drug companies and physicians.Yes, there is the possibility that a healthier citizenry will result in lower insurance premiums, HMO memberships, co-pays and drug and doctor costs.

    The savings ďwill be passed along to us.ĒYeah, right! Youíre smiling out loud.Now, youíre laughing.You donít believe me?

    Whatís that?Iím naÔve?Consumer costs will not go down because health insurance providers will probably increase their prices?

    Thatís downright un-American.Supply and demand and all that jazz.But, on second thought, you might be right.

    Whatís that?Now youíre quoting Calvin Coolidge:ďThe business of America is business.Ē

    What happened to our focus, as the good Ďol Declaration of Independence declares, in ďlife, liberty and the pursuit of happinessĒ?

    If we translate this language into health advocacy terms, it could mean longer life, the liberty to actively pursue more interests and a life of happiness with fewer pills and less pain.

    Youíre laughing again.Thatís not nice, but you have a point.Insurance and drug and HMO company CEOs and doctors have a certain lifestyle they have to maintain.Golly, if they didnít, they wouldnít be able to get all those big tax deductions the politicos have generated to reduce taxes and grow greater budget deficits.

    What? Iím being too cynical?†† Iím going to cut that out right now.Get off that chair; log off your computer and get thee to a bunery Ė a bakery that specializes in those high-carb, soaked-with-fat products.Yup.Letís buy American and do it in a big way.Fat-laden breads and croissants (made here, of course), sweet rolls smothered in icing, donuts featuring creams, jellies and goopy toppings and all those pies and cakes excelling in caloric value.

    Letís raise the market value of Krispy Kreme and get Interstate Baking out of bankruptcy.Letís save those jobs and concentrate on what makes America great:full-figured, happy people.

    One last word on corporate management.Many intelligent companies have recognized the need for their customers to eat in a more responsible way and have adapted to the times, mixing conventional fat-laden products with those dedicated to weight loss and healthy eating habits.

    I donít feel sorry for Interstate and Krispy Kreme.They could have balanced their product lines, and now, Interstate acknowledges that it didnít change with the times.

    On a more sensible level, America is also the country of invention, innovation and entrepreneurism.And for that reason, I have hope.Gosh, I love this country.

    Remember, ďIt ainít over until the Fat Lady sings.Ē