An Interview with Darrell Duplicitous; the Double Talk Man
The Wonderful World of Jim Penn
From Televisionland, USA, comes the following televised broadcast interview:
“Good evening. I’m Howard Roughed, and this is OWL television, the wisdom network. This program is dedicated to interviewing newsmakers of importance and no importance. You make the final decision.
“We’re here today with Darrell Duplicitous, known to millions in political and legal circles as the ‘Doubletalk Man.’
“Darrell graduated from an Ivy League school with a double major in ethics and fraudulent transactions. He’s worked in Washington, D.C. for the Office of External Affairs and Internal Affairs and the Office of Affairs with Interns and Externs.
He also served two years as Underneath Secretary for the BIA. Upon his leaving the department, he discovered that BIA stood for ‘Bureau of Indian Affairs’ and not ‘Baffled Intelligence Agency.’
“He has recently written ‘Being Two-Faced in a Multifaced Society: Learning to Live with and Love Lies.’
“Good evening, Mr. Duplicitous. Welcome to our show.”
“Please call me Darrell.”
“Darrell, I read your book and, frankly, I don’t understand it. What is its message?”
“You’ve got to be kidding! It’s as clear as a mixed message can be. We’re living in a society eschewing big government while growing governmental bureaucracy for which we can’t pay; a society in which the executives grab bigger salaries, stock options and bonuses without any concern for their companies and shareholders; a business environment in which investors take ‘risk vs. reward’ analyses to unbelievable limits; and the continuing saga of persons in positions of power who lie and steal in business and government, even though they know they’ll be caught – they count on plea bargaining, turning state’s evidence and receiving token fines and punishment.
“Why fight it? The more we resist, the more it costs us and the more frustrated we become. Why not have a double standard? Anything wrong with that?”
“Yes, there is. It doesn’t make sense. What do we teach our children? What honesty and ethical standards do we set? How do we conduct our lives? Don’t you find these questions important and disturbing?”
“Frankly, I don’t. This stuff’s been going on for years. We’ve supported and continue to support dictators and governments whose regimes nurture those who have attacked our very soil. These attacks, in turn, have given rise to a greater bureaucracy costing us tens of billions of dollars, and all at a time when Americans are clamoring for lower taxes. Learn to live with it!”
“I hear what you’re saying, but two wrongs don’t make a right. How can we stop the double talk and hold our heads high?”
“We have neck braces to hold our heads high, and we can’t stop the double talk. President Bush wants to lower taxes. However, we now have to pay for more federal government services. He figures that lowering taxes will stimulate business and the economy which, in turn, will create more tax revenues. But, the IRS can’t collect the money that’s owed now. So, where does that put us?
“Global warming is real and detrimentally affecting our environmental well-being. President Bush would not support the world’s attempt to set standards for pollution. However, having expressed that his administration will work hard to reduce pollution, it lowered pollution requirements for both vehicles and industry. Does this make sense? Go with the flow, Joe! That’s a fact, Jack!”
“You’re something else, Darrell. I guess you’re honest about your dishonesty.”
“Howard, view it as a giant pyramid scheme. Following our time-honored tradition of misleading the American public, we have greatly expanded the number of wealthy people who have the funds to secure their financial position. Budget cuts will reduce the services most needed for the public living at the pyramid’s base. These people are expanding the base, building a larger pyramid peak. Who’s going to fight it? You saw how far the probes of Enron progressed in Congress and the administration. Why? Because key congresspersons and administration officials were beholding to Enron.”
“Thank you, Darrell, for chatting with us. I don’t get it, but maybe I’m just old school. Is this really the kind of a society we want in our country? I hope not. Well, folks, stay tuned for future developments. This is Howard Roughed, signing off with the question: If, as Shakespeare said, ‘All the world’s a stage,’ where are the bathrooms for the politicians? They obviously need them.”