Mediocre Housekeeper™ - Searching for the Perfect Mates:
They’re Out There, But Can They Be found?
By Hortense McGoldstein
(It is a pleasure to write for this magazine. As you probably have guessed, Hortense McGoldstein is not my real name, which I shall not reveal at this time. Yes, I have been referred to as “Poochie” by close friends from time to time, and I could kick Charlie Tsence for disclosing that information.)
I recently celebrated my 34th birthday and took a long, hard look in the mirror. I’m pleasant to look at, but I can’t figure out why I can’t find the man of my dreams. Is it that difficult to find a match? What should I say? What should I do? I think it’s time I settled down. My home is clean and tastefully furnished. I’ve looked everywhere, including computer dating services and online inquiries. Please, please help me. Signed, Totally-Frustrated Bennett.
Dear Ms. Bennett:
Your questions are the ones most asked. Most inquiries have given me much more information than you have, but let me try my best.
In order to have a successful relationship with anyone, you must first be at ease and happy with yourself, without a partner. It’s apparent to me that more women than men lead fulfilling and happy lives living alone. There is, however, some changes in the younger generations because men are becoming more self-sufficient; some even take pride in decorating their homes and cooking for themselves.
When you are comfortable by yourself, you are ready to find your soul mate. It’s very important to not project the impression that you are looking. If you do, you may exhibit a needy attitude, which usually results in disastrous relationships.
You must also identify who you are. Sit down during a quiet time and work out your profile, you know, what makes you tick such as politics, religion, sports, physical fitness, fiscal fitness, pets, a particular lifestyle, children and so on. Merely saying that “you enjoy long walks on the beach and candlelight dinners” doesn’t cut it any more, if it ever did. Astrological signs are nice to know, but, again, there are exceptions to every “sign,” and a person’s life experiences and family orientations are usually more important.
Once you understand who you are, what things are important to you, and what you want out of life, the next step is easy. It’s figuring out on which items you can compromise when you do find a person that interests you. Let me give you an example. I have a good friend who was married four times. Yes, it’s a male, but the roles can be reversed. He is a morning person who, when he wakes up and plants his feet on the ground, is fully awake. He often breaks into song, tells jokes and can be quite obnoxious in the morning, especially to a woman who needs her coffee – lots of it – before she is sufficiently willing to talk and discuss the day, and perhaps world events. His morning attitude didn’t help him in his relationships. His fourth wife wakes in a similar manner to him, and he has been married a long time. Waking up is an important activity and sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Although you may find somebody whose personality, values and traits are totally endearing, there may be an apparent difference that could result in great difficulty. People can work through such differences and have long-lasting, loving relationships, but that takes much special effort, especially at the beginning.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, like putting the cap back on the toothpaste; have separate tubes. Leaving the toilet seat up or down may be an important item but, again, it’s minor when considering the person that fulfills your dreams and aspirations.
So, my advise to you is cool it; relax; find out who you are and enjoy yourself; be aware of opportunities to meet people and take those opportunities without trepidation. And, finally, always ask the right questions. As you get older, you’ll become more experienced in learning what questions to ask. However, the more questions you ask will help you figure out if that person is the “right person” for you.
Above all, have some fun! Good luck!